Nobody's Perfect - POSTED ON: Apr 17, 2011
Nobody’s Perfect. I’ve spent much of my life trying to fix my various flaws. One of my life’s dynamics has been thinking that if I could fix everything that’s wrong with me it would make everything else around me okay too.
Finally, insight came that instead of focusing on fixing my flaws, I need to Accept them…even love them.
For a long time, I thought that if I Accepted the things I felt were wrong with me, I’d never be able to change them. But really, love is what leads to real healing and transformation, and ultimately it is the only thing that can actually create changes in us In truth, all of what each of us perceives as personal “flaws” is a subjective value judgment, based on our own interpretations our own perspectives.
We can obsess about certain aspects of our bodies: on our appearance; on our personalities; on our lives or work circumstances, and judge them to be “bad” or “flawed”.
But in truth, they are what they are. We are the ones who place the “bad” meaning or interpretation on them. It is very human to experience a sense of feeling flawed in certain aspects of our lives and at particular times in life. There's nothing wrong with us for feeling that way.
However, feeling flawed can rob us of our energy, our passion, our happiness, our confidence and our lives.
It's one of the most painful ways we can allow our egos to run us, and it can have devastating consequences if we aren’t conscious of it. Here are some ideas about how to move from feeling flawed to a place of acceptance, peace and love.
Acknowledge what's true for you, personally. The first step is telling the truth. Trying to avoid, run from or pretend our flaws don’t exist doesn’t work.. Admit and express the underlying emotions. If we can identify, acknowledge and ultimately express the true emotions we feel about these perceived flaws, we can create a real sense of freedom for ourselves. Forgive ourselves. Self-forgiveness is something that some people don't have much experience with. Many of us have been trained to be hard on ourselves, and to believe that forgiveness must come from someone or something outside of us. However when we are able to forgive ourselves, we create the space for real change and healing to take place. Appreciate. To appreciate means to recognize the value of something. Sometimes dealing with our personal flaws teaches us a great deal about ourselves. When we learn to appreciate and be grateful for what our difficulties have taught us, we can move away from self-pity, because It's impossible to experience gratitude and victimhood simultaneously. Love. The ultimate antidote for all suffering is love. Our ability to bring love to our flaws, to care for them with kindness and compassion …like we would care for a child, a pet or a loved one,… is what will ultimately cause the transformation we're looking for to take place. When we love our flaws, we create an environment where we're either able to make the kinds of specific behavior changes we truly want, or able to learn to love and accept ourselves, whether any change in the “flaw” takes place or not.
All of these things are much easier said than done.
Admitting the truth to ourselves, expressing our real emotions, forgiving ourselves, appreciating our flaws, and loving all aspects of ourselves, both the positive and the negative, gives us the opportunity to actually transcend our flaws.
Doing this takes a great deal of intention, support, compassion and patience. It’s easier to take a pill, to get busy and distracted, to whine and complain, or to pretend things are fine or continue with the other avoidance techniques we are good at. But this is the way to can genuinely heal ourselves and end our cycle of suffering.
39 Years Later - POSTED ON: Apr 15, 2011
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself, it is still a beautiful world.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world.
Ever Have One Of Those Days? - POSTED ON: Mar 22, 2011
Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up feeling good, but then someone steps on your plans and dreams for the day?
As I watched this recent video which was created, produced and filmed by my son-the-web-genius,
I realized…for most of us.....
Some days are just like this.
Determination - POSTED ON: Mar 10, 2011
The term, “Character” refers to the traits, the distinguishing qualities, that make up and distinguish an individual.
Each of us has many personal character traits, both positive and negative. One of my own character traits is Determination, a fixed intention to achieve a desired end.
Determined and Stubborn, are two words that describe a similar trait. The word ‘Determined; has positive implications, while the word ‘Stubborn’…sounds a bit negative. Those who approve of my behavior would say that I’m Determined. Those who don’t, would say that I’m Stubborn. My daddy used to call it “Bullheaded”.
There are many areas in my life demonstrating this character trait. The events of yesterday provide an example.
My son-the-web-genius persuaded me to make videos a part of my site, and to cooperate with him by letting him film a few videos of me cooking. He believed that I would enjoy the process and therefore want to learn how to make videos so I could post them here. He was right.
My first contact with a camcorder, and with the Mac computer was last Friday afternoon, and I’m writing this early on Thursday morning. Yesterday was my first attempt at making a video totally alone. ….well…except for instructions by telephone when I got totally stuck.
I wound up shooting that cooking video five separate times…. thank God that I’m doing very simple, easy recipes… and I can’t even begin to describe my many technical difficulties with the Mac, I-Movie, Safari, and YouTube…..all of which are quite new to me. But I’ll tell you about my first error with the camcorder. To me, red means stop, and green means go. So, I thought the green light on my camera meant that it was recording, and the red light meant that it had stopped recording.
My camcorder’s instruction book didn’t correct this fundamental error. So, the first time I shot the video, I filmed my set-up, stopped the camera during my actual “shoot”, and turned the camera back on after I ended cooking. I first discovered my error when reviewing the film in I-Movie. When I realized this, I recalled that my DVR uses a red dot for recordings, and understood that this is probably basic knowledge for (almost) everyone.
As I write this article on my desktop windows computer, my new MacBook Air is uploading that video to YouTube. When that has been successfully done, I plan to put it here on this page.
So…what is the point? That same characteristic of determination needs to be applied to the Behavior processes that result in weight-loss Results. I’ve discovered that successful weight-loss takes a great deal of personal determination, and maintenance of that weight-loss takes even more.
Below is that Cooking Video.
Online Forums - A Useful Dieting Support Tool. - POSTED ON: Feb 26, 2011
The support and information that I’ve received from participating in online forums has helped me toward my goals of weight-loss and maintenance.
The majority of people in these online forums share a common interest in diet, fitness, and related health issues. Matters of age, sex, race, size, appearance, occupation, status, religion, and political affiliation tend to become irrelevant as people join together to achieve their personal weight and health related goals.
I’ve found most of these people to be remarkably intelligent, articulate, courteous, and kind. A member can share a personal feeling and opinion about a relevant issue, and others will join in with comments on that topic. Whether I just read the forum comments or choose to make a comment myself, as time goes on I become familiar with these people, and begin to consider some of them as friends. Previously I wrote articles about this subject in Online Friends and Imaginary Friends.
Over the years, a few of my online forum relationships with like-minded female forum members, have progressed to e-mails, phone calls, and even personal visits, which has provided an added dimension to the personal friendships in my life. My entry into the online forum world was around January 2005, when I first became involved in the Monthly Challenges forum at Dietpower.com. This was the only online forum where I chose to use my real name, Phyllis Collins, and I did that primarily because I didn’t understand I could choose a different user name. Since joining, I’ve posted in that forum every month, and today, I logged in to reserve my spot in the March 2011 Challenge.
For those of you who might be interested in my real time weight-loss numbers, and the process I’ve gone through since January 2005 and the present date, you can see all of my personal DietPower Challenge Posts by looking at their Challenge Forum Archives. I feature DietPower software at DietHobby, because I consider it to be my most valuable individual tool. FYI, I have no financial interest in DietPower..including any referrals or recommendations existing within this Blog. Many diet book authors and diet gurus have forums on their individual websites. One online forum that I’ve found extremely valuable is the No S Diet Forum. I began posting there in spring of 2008, and I’ve posted there consistently since that time…including this morning. My user name in that forum, as well as other online forums, is BrightAngel. I’ve found the atmosphere at the No S forum to be supportive and accepting of individual differences. It’s one of my favorite online places ..and contains some of my favorite online people. DietHobby has a link to Reinhard’s book, “The No S Diet” and links to some of his “Shovelglove” Videos, both of which I will be discussing at a later time.
The two forums mentioned above have been my primary individual forum tools. Also worth mentioning is the 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community forum which is quite a good forum resource. I first posted there in fall 2009, and still post there rather inconsistently. Spark People also has some excellent forums, and I will be providing you with more details about the Spark People tools at a later time.
I have also been involved with forums that won’t be individually named in DietHobby due to the presence of heavy-handed moderators and restrictive posting rules within those forums.
I find that I have much, much more to say about the value of online Forums, and at some future time, I’ll continue on with more about this subject.
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