Make sure it’s YOUR goal.

It is easy to get caught up, and swept along in the current
of other people’s goals, values, and expectations.
We can wind up doing things that we don’t want to do
in order to get something we don’t even want to have.

It’s a big mistake to choose things
that we feel we “should” do…
things prompted by family, friends, or society in general.

There are very few things in life that we really have to do,
so when a person ends end up with a bunch of goals
that other people have set for them,
it’s time to start thinking about what YOU would really like to do.

Don’t set arbitrary goals just because you think you should.
There’s not much joy to be had in chasing a goal
that you don’t care about.
Chances are, you’ll give up part-way and feel guilty,
or you’ll reach the goal,
only to find that success doesn’t make you any happier.

We need to spend some time in thought so we can say:

“I stand here.
This is what is important to me.
This is where I will direct my life’s efforts.
My direction is here.”

Then we need to start doing the things that will move us in that direction.

Please keep in mind that although I can share my experiences,
no one can tell you what successful maintenance will be like for you.
It's a very individual thing.

Some people find that it's best to continue counting calories,
and they do it indefinitely. Others find that they don't need to do that,
as long as they follow certain principles for themselves.

Another thing to keep in mind is that maintenance changes…
…it doesn't stay the same forever.
What works at first may not continue to work later on.
So it's good to be flexible and not box yourself in
to having to have things just one way.

Everyone who has been obese
and then reached their maintenance level
is concerned about regaining.

As you're losing weight, consider what maintaining might look like
in terms of how you eat. For a lot of people, "I will never eat a cookie"
just isn't realistic … and neither is "I will eat cookies whenever I want."
For them, the optimal path is somewhere in between.

Don't be fooled by what online calculators tell you you can eat to maintain.
Many people regain part of their lost weight by thinking
that they “should" be able to eat at a certain calorie level
without regaining, and it turns out that this is not true for them.

Each of us has to find out for ourselves.

           
Pet food is a heavily marketed area.
Now we are all supposed to be worried
about giving a "healthy lifestyle" to our pets,
and making sure they aren't "obese".

Despite the popular sentiment of cat food marketers,
and vets who are interested in the length of a pet's life
rather than the quality of the that pet's life,
Here's where I draw a personal line.

 I accept I have to diet my whole life..
...and call it a "healthy lifestyle", ....
but to make my cat do it along with me is just sick.
Making my cat diet is NOT part of my Dieting Hobby.

For those who are following my “Ask Grandma” videos
click to see my latest one: “I Like My Best Friend's Boyfriend”
which is located in DietHobby under RESOURCES, Videos, Ask Grandma.

                                 
                 

We spend so much time waiting to be loved,
hoping love will find us,
searching, yearning for that special love.

Feeling empty and lost without it.
Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up.
But, that’s not usually how life works.

Loving ourselves is the only dependable way
to create love in each of our own lives.

When we expect love from an external source,
and someone or something does not fulfill our void and fantasies,
then we will feel worse than before.

Each of us is perfect as we are right this minute,
even though we often don’t believe it.

It is also good to create more self-respect
which will help us to love ourselves.
Here are some behavior goals to help accomplish that.

Treat others with love and respect.

Be kind to others, even the “undeserving”.

Express yourself in a loving and nonthreatening way.

Let go of past events—you deserve a fresh beginning.

Forgive yourself – don’t punish yourself for your past behavior.

Focus your mind on positive statements.
DietHobby has a tool that can help you do this.
It is located under RESOURCES, Words of Wisdom Playlist.
Click the link, and at the top of the page, click "Play All",
which will cause each of the short videos to run back-to-back
so you can spend 5 or 10 minutes focused on positive statements.

Write down your experiences and feelings.
Allow yourself to feel good feelings and
when you remember bad experiences,
allow yourself to feel compassion for yourself.
Be willing to be present and accept your own pain and regret.
We can’t expect others to be validating,
and so we need to learn how to validate ourselves.

Work to look past “material” objects and feelings.
We all want nice things and someone to share our life with.
What do you really crave? Figuring out what you really want
will help you get to know yourself better.

Be persistent –work steadily at loving and accepting yourself,
just as you are right now.

Focus on what you HAVE accomplished,
rather than what you haven’t.

Hug the real you.

Be yourself, who you really are, express yourself, laugh, play sing,
and don’t be afraid of what others think. Most of them feel the same way
and want to express themselves, but are afraid to show it too.

Trust yourself—Learn to trust who you really are,
rather than blindly following the suggestions of other people.

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Sometimes the emotion I feel is “frustration”,
and this includes a bit of anger
when I’ve been working hard toward my goals
but it just isn’t working.

All of us have times when we seem to be stuck,
and no matter how hard we try,
we don’t seem be be able to get anywhere.
Just spinning our wheels in the mud
can cause us to feel pure frustration.

Even though it feels like nothing is working,
when I look closely,  
I usually find at least something is going right.
This takes me out of the negative mindset of “it’s hopeless”
and gets me back to focusing on the positive.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in a problem
and in trying to solve it that we forget
what we were originally trying to accomplish.
This is true for me regarding my current seeming inability to lose more weight,
after all, my goal is maintenance of my large weight-loss,
and I’m doing quite well at that.

 We always have options.

When we are really frustrated with a problem,
we tend not to want to work on it anymore.
It’s hard, it’s frustrating, and we’re not getting anywhere.
So we would rather just avoid it.
But, like Thomas Edison said,
“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize
how close they were to success when they gave up.”

When we get stuck on focusing on what we don’t want to happen,
or afraid of the absolute worst thing that could happen,
it’s good to copy those atheletes who imagine themselves
competing flawlessly over and over again.
We can choose to see ourselves achieving what we want.
Visualize it and really feel it to inspire ourselves to keep moving forwards.

 Often things aren’t as bad as they look at first.
Sometimes they seem much worse just because we’re tired or mentally drained.
Taking a break and remembering to keep a sense of humor can help.
The time of frustration will pass, and a positive mind
is far more open to solutions and answers than a negative one
that keeps thinking that it’s “hopeless” and “what’s the use?”
A closed mind won’t be able to see the possible solutions
when they do come along, so it’s important to stay positive.

With weight problems, just like with all other problems,
the solution is to figure out what your options are;
decide on a plan; focus; and then take action.

  Will my body lose back down to my lowest point in maintenance?
I don’t know, but I do know that while trying to do that,
I’ve not gained additional weight,
and that is a total plus.