Appreciate What You Have

- POSTED ON: Feb 10, 2013

I weigh daily, and I record and chart those weights on various computer graphs and tables which serves to clearly show my weight-loss or weight-gain trends. Sometimes this is difficult to continue because it involves facing a reality which I don't personally care for.

7 years ago, I reached my goal weight of 115 lbs. Since that time I've consistently and continuously worked very hard to maintain that weight. Over the past 5 years in maintenance, .... despite my best efforts of working toward weight-loss and/or maintenance every single day ... my weight has been very gradually creeping upward. At present my weight is bouncing around in the high 120s, frequently reaching  the very top of my "normal" BMI range.

Over this past 7 years of maintenance while recording all of my food and calories daily, I've varied the amounts I've eaten; I've varied the types of foods I've eaten: I've varied my eating times. In fact  I have experimented with just about every diet possible... both the "reasonable", and the  "unreasonable".  I've tried more exercise and less exercise and different exercise.  I've tried eating less calories and more calories, while keeping my overall calorie averages within reasonably acceptable ranges for my own personal BMR. 

During each of the past 5 years, my daily calorie average has been around 1050, which ... quite frankly ... is just about the lowest average that I can maintain.  Over long time periods, sometimes my weekly averages are around 1200, sometimes they are around 800.  My weight bounces around - usually within a 5 lb range - but the yearly trend has continued to creep upward.

I really hate seeing this. Sometimes I'd like to just give up watching the scale, but my lifetime of experience has taught me what happens with me when I choose to follow that tactic.  So ... I'm working to emotionally Accept what is happening with my body, while -- at the same time -- I continue to do my utmost to physically Change it, and redirect the scale downward.

Sometimes it feels like I am being drug along to a place against my will, while I'm resisting with all my might, struggling, and clutching and clawing to any object that will slow or stop that progress. It's hard, and it's not a good feeling. Again and again I've watched as others about me -- also involved in a similar struggle, -- let go and ride passively into weight-gain oblivion, or give up and embrace behaviors that cause rapid weight-gain, and I feel alone and abandoned.

Some of the people who read my articles indicate that they dislike seeing "negativity".  My response is simply that I write about the Reality that I see and that I know.  DietHobby is primarily to help ME, although I'm pleased to share my thoughts with anyone who finds them useful or interesting.

What will happen to me?  Will my weight continue to creep upward?  Will it settle here? Will it go back down?  I don't know. I'm fighting tooth and claw against obesity, and my plan is to continue doing so.  The reason Why I do want to be a "normal" weight isn't even important to me anymore.  This process is simply a lifetime behavior commitment that I am choosing to follow through with.  

Right now, Today, I'm working to feel grateful for being inside my "normal" BMI range .. even though it is at the very Top instead of in the Middle. I'm working to Appreciate what I HAVE, before it becomes what I HAD.

My own resistance involves far more struggling than shown in the video below.

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Existing Comments:

On Feb 10, 2013 wrote:
I feel your struggle as I have been down this road before. This time with what I have learned from you will keep me on the straight and narrow. Even If I must struggle it will be worth it!

On Feb 10, 2013 Dr. Collins wrote:
             Thanks John. I look forward to watching your progress.

On Feb 10, 2013 jethro wrote:
Dr. Collins, I never cease to be amazed and inspired by your accomplishments. Your journey mirrors by name, struggles and accomplishments the old Audei Murphy movie "To Hell and Back." Based on your pictures in this site, you don't near chubbiness at all. Have you measured your body fat percentage?

On Feb 10, 2013 Dr. Collins wrote:
             Thank you jethro. I look just the way my pictures look. I am only 5 ft tall with a rounded, curvy, bottom-heavy-hour-glass shaped body. My goal is merely to be within the "normal" BMI range. Fortunately, I've never particularly wanted to have a "lean toned" body, or to have only "essential fat". BodyFat percentages simply are NOT an important issue to me, but out of curiousity when I reached my goal weight, I did buy an Ironman Tanita Scale. When I weighed between 112-115, that scale registered my bodyfat as between 22% and 25%. Now, weighing around 125, that scale registers my bodyfat as around 31%. The charts show that for females age 56 and up, the "Average" Bodyfat range is between 31% and 37%. This is because as age increases, acceptable bodyweight within the chart ranges increases as well ... apparently due to the fact that the charts are based on "statistical assumptions".

On Feb 10, 2013 jethro wrote:
Dr. Collins, do not rely on those Tanita scales. They are very inaccurate. I have one that records my bodyfat % between 29 and 41 and nobody can vary that much from day to day. I recently measured it with a DXA - currently the most accurate device - and recorded 21%.

On Feb 11, 2013 Dr. Collins wrote:
             Thanks Jethro. My BodyFat measurements are not something I'm currently interested in. I've found Tanita to be an excellent brand in general, and at the time that I was interested in checking bodyfat, that scale was the state-of-the-art for bodyfat scales. I found its body-fat results to be relatively consistent .. as long as I always weighed in the late afternoon at about the same times. Certainly a DXA scan, which I understand is a low-dose x-ray taken by a medical technician, would be far more accurate.

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