We spend our lives trying to be the person
we think we should be.
Many of those “shoulds” come from outside sources:
our family and friends, or society in general.
As children we are asked:
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
We’re told to: “Get good grades.”
We’re asked: “When are you two going to tie the knot/have kids?”
We’re told to “Lose weight”, “Be Lean”,
“Get fit”, “Get “Healthy”, “Build muscle”;
or sometimes asked:
“Don’t you think it’s about time you took off a few pounds?”

Sometimes the “shoulds” are not so obvious,
but are even more pervasive. 

 We see how things work on TV
and unconsciously believe that our lives must follow.
That we’ve got to live an upscale magazine advertisement life,
spending our time in a tidy and well-ordered house,
surrounded by lovable and perfect friends and family.

And sometimes, those “shoulds” come from within.
These are the worst, because it means we’ve internalized
all those outside shoulds, taken them for our own,
and stirred into the mix our own personal flaws
together with our guilt about them.
Many of us truly secretly believe that we should look similar
to the airbrushed pictures of genetically blessed people
who spend most of their lives working to enhance the appearance
of their already “perfect” bodies and faces.

We work on the goals we think we should have,
instead of the things we really want to do,
and then wonder why we feel vaguely dissatisfied
when we achieve them.

 Of course, we do have to eat to sustain life
…and for many of us…
what, and how much, we choose to eat
is a problem we have to deal with.

We need a place to stay warm and dry.
We need love, too. But all the rest of it?
Why not be who you really are instead?

Being who you really are means being brave.
It means taking risks.

It means saying hey, this is who I am,
I hope you like me, but even if you don’t,
I’m going to keep right on being myself.

  Who are you really?
What are your own personal dreams?
Can you distinguish what is fantasy from what is really possible?
What are you willing to do
in order to make those of your dreams that are possible,
come true?

If you aren’t living your own dreams
— or at least trying to —
whose life are you living?

Today, I feel that my inspirational video accurately says it all.

 i agree with Thomas Miller, who said:

"If you have one true friend, you have more than your share."

There are acquaintences, and there are friends.
These are not the same thing.

  What is friendship?

A friend is someone who you like, respect, and trust;
and who likes, respects and trusts you;
doesn’t always understand you;
but accepts and likes you as you are;
even as you grow and change.

A friend allows you the space to change, grow, make decisions, and even make mistakes;
listens to you and shares with you, both the good times and the bad times;
respects your need for confidentiality so you can tell them anything;
lets you freely express your feelings and emotions without judging, teasing, or criticizing.

A friend gives you good advice when you want and ask for it;
assists you in taking action that will help you feel better;
and works with you in difficult situations to figure out what to do next;
accepts your self-defined limitations and helps you to remove them.

A friend lets you help them when they need it.
You want to be with them,
but you aren’t obsessed about being with them.
A friend doesn’t ever take advantage of you.

Friendship is a continuing source of bonding, releasing, and creating
in yourself and with the other person. There is an emotional bond.
A good friend or supporter may or may not be your age or the same sex as you;
come from the same educational, cultural, or religious background;
or share interests that are similar to yours.

Friendships also have different depths;
some are closer to the heart, some more superficial
--but, whether they are real, true friends or merely acquaintances --
 all of these friend-type-relationships can be useful and good.

 How do you make friends? 
As Dale Carnegie said:

 "You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people, 
than you can in two years
by trying to get other people interested in you."

This relates to dieting, weight-loss, and maintenance of weight loss,
and every other activity in our lives as well.

The famous Russian dancer, Mikhail Baryshnikov, said: 

"I do not try to dance better than anyone else.
I only try to to dance better than myself."

                        
Everyone who tries to lose weight has ups and downs
that go with their hopes and expectations.
A big part of that task is to keep from
getting discouraged enough to give up. 
 The easiest pounds to lose are the first few,
which are usually water weight.
The beginning of a diet usually inspires the false hope
that shedding the rest of the pounds will be easy.

But plateaus come in waves
as the body accommodates to the new caloric intake
and becomes more efficient.
Just as a machine can become more highly tuned,
the body can get more out of fewer calories,
and tends to hold on to the calories it has to work with. 

  During periods of failure to lose weight, despite sticking rigidly
to the prescribed caloric intake and exercise regimen,
people begin to falter and lose hope.

We all have an ideal self, which is the self that we wish to be.
Failing to achieve that self and fulfill its goals
can lead to self-criticism and devaluation.
Harsh internal judgments lead to a sense of failure,
hopelessness, and depression. 

 When we decide to diet,
we make an internal resolution and expect to live up to it.
We can have initial success, and then the road gets rougher.
We get to those inevitable plateaus that we will either overcome
or that will overcome us.
We can come closer to affirming our ideal self,
or feel disappointment in ourselves.

The capacity to make changes into habits requires perseverance.
We must consistently work to develop new behaviors
that we hope will become automatic.

The first time we change a habit,
it is hard and we are very conscious of the effort it takes.
The more times we do it, the more it becomes grooved,
and then, gradually, we can do it automatically.

Pride in our weight-loss accomplishment then can
become a greater pleasure than that snack in which
we might have previously indulged. 

 We find our self-esteem enhanced when we live up to our goal;
get reinforcement from the scale instead of punishment;
and thereby live up to our slimmer and trimmer ideal self.

Some of us are super-critical of ourselves.
It helps to examine our the ideal and set realistic goals,
because this can reduce the harshness of our internal judgment
when a goal is not attained.
Essentially, we need to learn to be kinder and gentler to ourselves.
and treat ourselves the way we might treat others.

How can we be kind to ourselves at moments of "failure?"
First, aim high, but never underestimate the difficulty of the undertaking.
Every quest has its pitfalls and many skirmishes and battles are lost
before winning a war. When we are wounded by a "defeat",
we need some kind words for ourselves.

It is important to remember that these are our own private battles,
where each of us is the General.
We set the goals, we know our weaknesses.
Our strategy must include a way to handle temporary setbacks,
but if we keep our eyes on the prize,
we will recognize any defeat is temporary,
and that we will ultimately reach our goals.

 Take small steps and be gentle with yourself about weight-loss.